In class we have brought up numerous times the privatization of writing. I constantly go back to the fourth grade during these discussions when I was very much concerned with others reading my work. I used to write ridiculously small--for two reasons: first, I thought that my writing looked neater when it was smaller, and second, because by writing smaller, a reader had to be very close to read it. Printing small made writing private for me, it gave me a sense of ownership and control in who could and couldn't read my thoughts. Part of the reason for such concern over my writing was due to public scorn I experienced that year when my teacher used my essay as a bad example. She put my paper up anonymously and if I hadn't felt the need to brag about my work no one would have even known it was mine. This unfortunately was not the case and basically everyone in the class knew this "poor" example was mine--I was completely horrified and started writing small. I eventually got over this writing phobia and became proud of my writing and the ideas I described, but for awhile I was highly private in my writing. I felt like sharing this story and wondered if any of you have similar experiences be them public humiliation or just personal fears.
4 comments:
Wow, private writing spilling over into a handwriting technique. That's an interesting strategy to keep your writing private. I happen to be a closet poet, and I actually enjoy writing poems for only myself. Kurt Vonnegut once said that you could help grow your soul by writing a poem, tearing it up, and putting the pieces in different trashcans. That's the general idea of the poetry I write. It's not really meant to be read so much as it's meant as a source of catharsis. Being that they're so private, I like to keep my poems in a little notebook and a folder under my bed. If I wanted to use something like your idea, Andrea, I might write the poetry so you have to use a magnifying glass to see it... and write it in Arabic or Swahili.
When I think of private writing I think of the diaries I used to keep as a child/tween. As I'm sure a lot of you did, I wrote everything in that diary as if it were a real person I was talking to. I didn't, however, follow Martin's technique and rip up the entries after I wrote them (which I now regret) because I enjoyed going back after long periods of time to see what I had written. It was almost like a window to another time in my life.
When I first started keeping a diary, I wrote in a little spiral bound notebook and just kept it on my bookshelf tucked away. However, one day my younger brother saw me writing in my diary without my knowing and pulled it off the shelf and started to read. I'll never forget how red my face turned when he stole it, ran into his room, locked the door, and started reading everything out loud!
After this incident, I never kept my diary in such an open accessible place again. I would hide it in different spots in my room on a regular basis to make sure no one would find it. I also invested in one of those Password Journals, that only opened to your voice, but unfortunately my brother found he was able to pry it open with brute force.
I find it really interesting, the idea of private writing. I was always the exact opposite. In elementary and middle school I hated actually speaking, if I could write it down and share that way, I would. I have tried several times over the years to keep a journal, but after a day or two I completely forget. That or the journal turns into a creative journal (short stories and poems) which never stay private for long.
Writing, for me, has always been a core way to communicate because I was so insecure about my speech.
Writing small to make your writing private is a really interesting technique, and it makes a lot of sense now that I think about it. My family moved when I was in middle school and I was devastated. Making new friends that you could really confide in took some time, so I turned to writing to deal with how sad I was feeling. I didn't write poetry... I mostly just "journaled." I kept these private by always buying the really girly diaries with the lock that only I had the keys for, and I usually made sure they were extra secure and safe by hiding them between my mattress and box spring. And Sarah, I also bought password journal but my sister and I sound enough alike so she was able to break into it... so I definitely can relate to the embarrassment you probably felt when your brother read yours.
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